Where Has my Marriage Gone?

          Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness c omes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 

                                                                                                                (1 Corinthians 13:4-1)

I first came across those words while watching the wedding ceremony of Princess Madeleine of Sweden and Chris O'Neil on YouTube. I felt deeply touched by those words because I reflected how very far from those verses my marriage actually was. Indeed, after 16 years of living together, 12 of which lived as married life, what is most obvious is that we will have to put an end to this union sooner... or later but later might be too late... Every single word of these verses from the Holy Bible has been lost in life translation in my marriage, mostly because one of us has either not enough or too much compromised. When I first heard those words, They went straight to my heart because they are so meaningful, hence the parallel I made with my own marriage. In my marriage, love is not patient because love has gone. Love is therefore definitely not kind. Love envies and love boasts . Love has been replaced by pride which seldom compromises, just like it most often dishonours and hurts. Love has changed into selfishness and it would anger itself very easily because it is never satisfied. And, oh, it has kept so many records of the mistakes that it cannot forgive. And, oh, how much it hurts when you find it out but you try to hold on to it despite everything because you still have faith. These last five years I have felt so insecure and bad within myself because I have been wronged by my husband everytime I was seeking his company, or everytime I have been courageous enough to tell him that his errands are taking him away from us. I felt bad because I did not feel the protection anymore, I did not feel the trust, so much that today the only solution I have found to try to preserve myself is to fail this love. I have failed because I I have stopped to persevere, I have lost Faith. 

Today, we cannot spend two days in a row without fighting, often over trifles, because we cannot  make it anymore. And those fights would be followed by endless grudges. And it creates a vicious circle that would never end. Today, the main subject we would fight about is money. As I am the one who is earning the least, I am the one who is accused of overspending, of course, even if I hardly have access to the VISA card... Even if I am the one who earns the least, I still have to pay half of the expenses, which I have agreed to. But when the bill came, I refused to pay a part of it, 

USD 85 to be exact, but still agreeing to pay a part which makes USD 800, my husband gave me one of those sermons about not respecting my promises. What hurts in those sermons is that they are full of wickedness, of evil. They  are just another way of showing how much ill-will has grown into hatred. In addition, I so acutely felt that this was undeserved since I have worked so hard just to be able to pay my part of the bills though it is not even appreciated. It has been a month of my energy and my sweat. And I did not falter. But kind and patient love is not there anymore to see or appreciate. So, where has my marriage gone? Why isn't love there anymore to sustain us when we are failing? Maybe simply because love has not been the foundation of our marriage.

                                                    

 

René Angelil's Passing

How many of us have watched the public mourning followed by the funeral of René Angelil on the internet? As a great Céline Dion fan, I must confess, I have almost been looking forward to it... Have I been intruding or voluntarily prying on someone else's grief? Yes, certainly, somehow. But my first goal in doing so has been to sympathise with Céline Dion whose songs have craddled me from my teenage until now. An anonymous support. And while I was watching the whole ceremony, I felt surprised because I was feeling more touched than I had thought. Why? Well, because I have realised that while I have been listening to Céline Dion's songs, I have never realised that, in fact, those songs have been René's oeuvre and choices bearing Céline Dion's spin and touch. I have never realised how he has trained and moulded her to match his tastes, but, above all, the industry's . As I have been listening to those songs, I have been blinded or deafened by the golden voice, not realising the work, the craftmanship of the man behind the notes. In fact, I have been listening to René Angelil, minus the voice. I almost feel some regrets now that he is gone, how much I have overlooked this fact or known it but deliberately overlooked it, putting it in the corner of my ears, prefering to focus on what I was hearing. Céline Dion has become this tremendous singer today because of the vision and the unfathomed will of a single man: her husband and manager René Angelil.
Why am I feeling sad? With his death, I find out that a whole world has collapsed and gone. Though it will not be the case, I almost feel that it is going to be the end of Céline Dion's career. At least, his death will bring some changes into how her career is going to be shaped from now on. Because nobody will be able to match what René Angélil has built: a star who is able to shine both in the French-speaking world and internationally, with almost 300 million albums sold, an untainted image, and songs so well-chosen that they that will haunt our memory for decades. A performance that is hard to beat. No manager is known to have been that committed and dedicated to his artist. The passing of René Angelil has hit me, us, in a way that now, when we will hear Céline Dion sing, we will now think of him whose artistry and good taste have been hidden behind those songs, we will think of him whose talent we have for so long failed to recognise and appreciate. We will think of him now as the star-maker whose intuition never failed him, whose gambling always yielded. We will see in him the man behind Céline Dion's success. We owe him that. I wish he may find peace in his new journey. As a final word I will say, respect, Mr Angélil.